All kinds of things are happening to me. Some I choose, some I don't. I don't know how to tell one from the other anymore. What I mean is, it feels like everything's been decided in advance--that I'm following a path somebody else has already mapped out for me. It doesn't matter how much I think things over, how much effort I put into it. In fact, the harder I try, the more I lose the sense of who I am.